“Lord Volsung”

I put this page up on my old website years after originally creating the pictures and the text for an Email lampooning the skinny little twerp in question back in 2000.  The introduction below appeared on the webpage.  Unfortunately, WordPress won’t let me add the midi file of  “The Immigrant Song” that played on the original webpage.



Ok, first a little background, so that you have an idea of where my head was at when I came up with this originally: about a decade ago, I had some contact with a young man (18 or 19 at the time if memory serves) via AOL Chatrooms & instant messages. Originally, the guy presented himself as a genuine seeker with who kept heathen gods & values, and so I shared my time & my advice with him; this guy was also into the whole Nordic Black Metal scene, and claimed descent from Norse stock, although he was born & raised in Texas. So anyways, as time goes on, this guy’s image starts to peel away, and I really got to see him for the weenie that he was: a milquetoast with sunken eyes & the physique of a scarecrow who barked out all manner of bravado in order to support his image as a “Viking Lord” of the Black Metal Scene, all while breaking troth with the girl he was dating at the time. So the morning that I created this lampoon, I’d just gotten off of a graveyard shift, and came home to read an Email detailing some of this guy’s stupidity. Well, I decided that I’d had enough, and let the dipshit have it with both barrels as you’ll see below: not only do I use the name that he was operating under, “Lord Volsung VonDodsson,” I actually ended up including a quote directly from his old AOL profile below ( “At night I don chain mail and a battle axe and rampage the streets of my town screaming “I AM THE VIKING LORD” “) In case there was any doubt in your mind, that is me in the photos below, with a blond wig and a bit of material on my chin used for creating a costume beard; the photos were taken with a simple webcam. This was not the last time that I expressed my disdain for someone in such a manner. For best results, imagine the dialogue being spoken in a fake “Nordic” accent -Hildolf Von Eisenwald




I am Lord Volsung VonDodsson; behold my manly chin and bitter constipated facial expression…I haven’t gone poo-poo for a month.



I am a very fierce Texan..errr.. Swede and come to your country on great flaming bird !!!!!!! See??



This is my faithful companion, the dragon known as Jose the Hispanic..err…Nordic Wyrm of Questionable Personal Hygeine! Behold and know fear and awe!



I wear spikes and make the sign of the devil, and say names like Odhinn and Thorr a lot, because that’s what we Tex…err Swedish Viking Black Metal Lords of Doom are prone to do when waiting for the laxative to kick in!!!



Behold my mighty Hammer! My foes I smite from left to right! That’s right! Ya’ll…errr….you all shall know my umm..wrath! (Gee, I hope dad doesn’t find out that I took it out of his tool box)



At night I don chain mail and a battle axe and rampage the streets of my town screaming “I AM THE VIKING LORD”….
..I chased a whole troop of Girl Scouts last week, and boy, were they scared!



When I am aroused, great demonic horns protrude from my head, and I seek out pleasure among the women of the village and the beasts of the field! Feel me! Feel me!
Boomchakalakalaka! Boomchakalakalaka!